The never ending search to reveal the one within!!

Another Update

2011-10-09T17:34:00.001+11:00

Well its been ages since I've updated, I guess cause nothing majorly exciting has been happening, well when I say that, I mean not with my banding life.

On the other hand, my photography venture that I decided to embark on has become an amazing journey. I have been overwhelmed with the support I have received and am so excited with where it is taking me, for those of you who have facebook, please come across and like my page Just Simply You, and for those of you who don't and maybe interested www.justsimplyyouphotography.com

Without the banding journey though, I am absolutely positive that none of this would be possible. I would not have had the confidence to pursue my goals.

I am now sitting at 82kgs, I would be lying if I didn't admit that I am itching to be 80kgs but just because it's annoying me that I just cant seem to get under it... I do know the reason why though..... and that would be the wine LOL.... so it is the choice's we make isn't it.

The past two days I have had quite a bit of heartburn, which is something I haven't had in a very long time and I had forgotten just how uncomfortable it is so have been sipping on boiling water all day which definitely helps the discomfort.

Anyway I shall upload some photos, I hope all of you out there who are continuing your journey are going well, I love to hear feedback from you and am always wanting to know of others blogs so please don't hesitate to let me know yours.

I believe blogging can be a great tool in helping us be a little more true to ourselves, often its much easier to sit and write something down than to actually say the words. Its also an amazing thing to look back upon as you go forward with your journey, I look back now and truly feel as though my photos are someone else. So its a nice pat on the back to see how far you've come.

Loving Life & Living it to the Fullest

2011-05-17T08:56:00.003+10:00

I know Ive been a little slack on the updates of late. Im sorry to those of you who have been messaging me. To be honest Im just too busy loving life!

6 months ago I decided to live my dream and start making photography my career. I have always loved taking pictures of people, capturing expressions and giving people something they can cherish forever.

So I'm doing it.... I'd love you to follow this journey with me and just like on here give me feedback, constructive criticism, after all everyone starts as an amateur we learn from listening and watching. So please join me at www.justsimplyyouphotography.com or find me on Facebook under JUST SIMPLY YOU

As far as the weight and the band goes, I couldnt be happier. I sitting on a comfortable 84kgs which is where Ive been for a while now. Im happy, confident, loving shopping and in general living life to the fullest. I cant believe what I missed out on all these years hiding behind my fat.... dancing for example - who would have thought I would looove it so much... haha...

On the weekend I went to my first Lovedale Long Lunch in the Hunter Valley (Im very fortunate to live in a beautiful part of this country which is just around the corner) our buses theme was roaring 20's and if some of you remember I attended a party last year the same so was very excited that I already had an outfit that I was comfortable in. I had a blast and sat there looking around at all the people feeling such a mix of emotions (some will tell you that had more to do with the wine LOL) but it was a feeling of joy & sadness that why had it taken me to 36 years of age to realise I was good enough to not only attend something like this but to enjoy it whole heart idly without any reservation to what others might have been thinking of me. For the first time in my life I was enjoying being looked at and not once was I thinking OMG they are judging me.

Once again I had my shoulder of strength with me, the gorgeous Tarnya Haines. I truly dont know how I would have dealt with many of my emotions over the past 4 years without her friendship and support, she is my angel.

I will upload some pictures from the weekend (the tasteful ones of course haha).

Hope you are all well and learning to love yourselves a little more each day. We ALL deserve happiness. Have a great week xxx

A year gone by

2010-09-25T11:38:00.003+10:00

I was sitting at work the other day and had to write down the date and it suddenly made me realise that it has been a year since my tummy tuck... wow! hasnt that flown by.

I still have to say it has been the best decision I have ever made. I am amazed by how much confidence I have now, and how I feel that "the one within" is finally showing herself on the outside.

When I look back on photos of me from a few years ago, I see the sadness in my eye's, I know the thoughts in my head were those of wanting to hide from the world. I would always be invited out yet never went, lacking the confidence as my outfits wouldn't be trendy enough or I would simply feel as though I was being stared at for being the fat girl....

I cant say this weighloss process has been easy, nor has my change in self confidence, sadly this has made me loose some people whom I considered priceless friends, but why! why would they no longer want to be my friend because I finally felt good about myself. I still struggle to understand that.

I still believe I am a good person and care deeply for my friends, but in gaining self confidence I guess I realised I didn't have to be the backup friend anymore. I stopped being "there" for everyone at their beck and call and started to assess how many of those friends were "there" for me when I needed them. Amazing how many of my "friends" dissapeared.

Anyway I am not going to sit and feel sorry for myself, I am so proud of myself and the decisions that I have made. I treasure the relationship I have with my husband as my confidence and love of life has bought us closer together than weve been in years and at the end of the day he and my kids are my world and what they care about matters most to me.

I will attach some more pics from the last few weeks and an updated one of my tum, I dont think much has changed there but its good I guess to see how things are a year on.

Hope your all well and life is treating you good, and for those of you who are struggling at the moment dont forget how beautiful you are on the inside and believe in yourself that what's within truly matters most xx

2010-09-01T21:07:00.000+10:00

2010-09-01T21:01:00.001+10:00

Well it has been forever since Ive been on here, I had my slip all fixed and am doing great, I had a new band put it which isnt sewn in so that has been a little weird getting used too but its now working great for me, I did gain 8kgs after my slip whilst trying to get my levels right again but am now sitting in just the right spot and have managed to loose that 8kgs again.

So not alot to tell but just wanted to update and say all is going fantastic.

Total Frustration

2010-03-14T15:58:00.003+11:00

Well as Ive said for a while now, reflux is something I have come to live with, not something that I found unbearable but somewhat annoying... until the past month, the reflux became something I felt I couldnt live with. It had got to the point if I ate or drank anything after 5pm that it would come flying out my nose once I had fallen asleep.

In turn causing a burning sensation in the back of my nose, throat and chest for the rest of the night, making sleeping a problem and therefore causing me to be overtired, cranky and really quite unbearable to live with.

So I decided it was time to find out why this was happening to me, and why am I in the 2% of people who just do suffer reflux after banding.

So on Monday I went for a barrium swallow, after going back to see my fill Dr he said to me that the band didnt look like it was in the correct position but he was having trouble reading the scan, he advised that I see the surgeon and that he would probably put a camera down my throat just to be sure. So here I am thinking ok I can do the camera thingy, everythings going to be fine and whammo!

Friday morning I receive a call from the surgeons secretary asking me to come in immediately, she said it was his day off but he wanted to see me straight away, so with shaking hands I drove there to see him.

He was lovely, called me in and said now Ive had a look at your scans and in all my working history Ive never seen a slipped band this bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG your kidding I said, but it cant be, Im not in any pain, im still eating sandwiches for goodness sake.

He said that when the other surgeon had opened my band 2 years ago and then done it back up, that it was almost eminent that I would have slipped again straight away.... he said in his opinion that should never have been done and that the band should have been replaced with a larger one.

So in turn, my band has slipped sideways and my esophegas has compensated by growing a pouch just as large as my stomach and that my food is falling into this rather than trying to get through my band and there for because its sitting in the pouch with no where to go that when I lie down the only way out is up!!! He said he's never seen anything so bad before and told me he wants me scheduled for surgery to remove my band on Tuesday.

As you can imagine I was devestated, thinking youve got to be kidding, how can i have come so far and now appear to have reached the end of my journey - has this all been for nothing, as lets face it without the band I am screwed - I may aswell just start washing in fat!

He then said that he would like to put a new band in but do it in the same operation, I thought Oh thank God, but then he said the clintcher ......

Because another surgeon put the band in in the first place, and then stuffed it up, he is not happy to cover the costs of that!!!!! So if I would like another band he will be more than happy to do it but it will be $4000!!!!! yes $4000 by Monday!

I left his office very grateful for his advice and help but freaking out about the cost of another band.

I have such mixed emotions, I am so angry with my original surgeon for not listening to me and making my last 2 years uncomfortable, I have had people say why dont I go back to him and say so and have him fix it but for those of you who know what I went through with him, the thought of even seeing that man makes my skin crawl, let alone letting him put me under the knife again....

So Tuesday I embark on once again another stage of this journey, my beautiful understanding husband has agreed that I would be silly not to have another band put straight in so I will be getting another, and I will now be under the care of a lovely surgeon whom I am sure will treat me right.

I will keep you posted on what the next few weeks brings, I look very forward to the sleep to be honest.......

6 months after the TT

2010-02-18T08:35:00.002+11:00

Well it has been a while since Ive been on here, my recovery from the Tummy Tuck has gone fantastically. I am soo happy with my progress. I am still having issues with the reflux in the evenings and have decided to try having a Tony Furguson Milkshake for dinner in stead of food and see if this makes a difference. So will report back and let you know how that is going.

My big exciting news though is that last week I decided to get a tattoo, something I have wanted for years but was quite scared about doing as I didnt want to put myself in a situation where I would look skanky if wanting to get dressed up.

When I was looking at having the Tummy Tuck I saw a pic of a girl who had a vine tattoo'd over her scar and I thought WOW thats gorgeous, and so thats what Ive done.

I am sooo happy with the outcome, I do plan to go back in a couple of weeks and have a few more swirls and whirls put here and there but for now I am just stoked that I got exactly what I was after, I went to a guy who was very experienced in covering scars too which I thought was important and for those of you wondering about the pain. Well thanks to the tummy tuck, I was numb majority of the time so I didnt feel the outline or the black at all, the flowers on the other hand were a different story... they hurt real bad.......haha

Anyway will attach a pic, this was taken the day I had it done so my poor stretch marks are quite raised and swollen, all is good now though everything has flattened again.

7 weeks on...

2009-11-18T08:01:00.002+11:00

Well its been 7 weeks, and what a relief to no longer have to wear the gurdle, summer is here and I dont think I would have coped in it day and night on those hot summer days....

The swelling seems to have gone down now and I have lost 1 size in clothing, so I am now fitting comfortably into a size 16. My scars are healing well, there is no tenderness at all and I am still completely thrilled with the outcome.

My biggest challenge this summer is to let myself relax about my arms, all the dresses out at the moment are sleeveless and Im having some issues feeling comfortable about that. I also have a party to go to that I need to wear a cocktail dress ( something I have NEVER done before) Ive always avoided them or made up and excuse as to why we couldnt go cause I was too embarrassed about not being able to fit into a cocktail dress.

So the pics I'll download today are of me this morning, in a dress again ( dresses have become my best friend) and a sleeveless one at that......

Bring on Summer......

Its a Dress!!!!!!

2009-10-16T09:30:00.003+11:00

Well its 3 weeks since I had the op now, and finally I am really feeling back to normal, I can go to the shops again now and not feel like I am going to collapse... hence why Im in a dress!!!!!!!!! haha, I bought this dress a year ago cause I just loved it, got it home and when I put it on I couldnt get it over my stomach... but I couldnt bring myself to take it back.... so today is a very exciting day for me... Im wearing dress and thats something I havent done in a VERY long time.......

2 Weeks Post Op

2009-10-06T12:42:00.003+11:00

Well its been 2 weeks today since I had my op, amazing how fast that time has gone. Im at the point of feeling frustrated at the moment. Im still having to sit in this reclined position which makes doing anything really difficult, not suppose to be driving until my bandages are off (which I have snuck out a few times..) and am still having to sponge bath.....Oh what I would give for a long hot shower!!!

Friday I have an appointment with the Surgeon to have these bandages off get my stitches out of my belly button and should get the ok for showering and driving and sitting - whoo hoo.

Apparently the sitting thing has something to do with the flap (as they call it) I think that is the piece of skin they have pulled down and stitched. They said I must sit this way as to prevent the flap from dying???? so Im not sure but it sounded yukky so Im doing as Im told....

Anyway just thought I'd post a pic, not much has changed since the week one photo...

Must have's for Tummy Tuck

2009-10-02T17:30:00.003+10:00

Since going through this process there are a few things that I either had taken with me which made life so much easier or things that I wished I had taken, so I thought Id share them with you so when you too go through this you'll know up front what would make life easier:

Hipster undies

- now even if you would never consider wearing them now, they are perfect for after the op as they sit under your scar and believe me after the op this is all you'll want to wear.

Roll down elastic waisted stretch cotton pants

- I just bought the yoga style 3/4 length ones from Katies which were perfect as you really wont be able to have anything firm

Singlet tops with built in shelf bra

- with all the tightness and the gurdle you have to wear a bra felt like it was taking my breath away so if your happy to go bra-less then do, but for those of us who like a little support these singlet tops are the way to go

Neck Pillow

- you know those squashy little ones that are for travelling, I found that being restricted to lying on my back and elevated and being someone that likes to sleep on their side, I really needed something to support my neck when I slept.

Cream and Lip Balm

-with the aircon my skin and lips was sooo dry, even to the point my lips were splitting.

Since being at home and wanting to sleep in my bed I have bought a bed wedge from "hospital at home" which is just like a triangle firm pillow that allows you to sleep elevated. This has been the most comfortable thing I could find that kept me in the same position as I had in hospital

Weightloss

2009-09-30T06:49:00.001+10:00

I forgot to mention...... My doctor said he removed 5kgs of skin and fat from my stomach and 500cc's of fat from each flank (hip)......

Day 8

2009-09-30T06:30:00.002+10:00

Im sitting here this morning and cant believe its been a week since my surgery, everyday everything is getting easier, like this morning when I did my sponge bath and I didnt need to sit down half way through....I had a much better nights sleep too and manged to sleep till 6am instead of 4am!!!

My Dr came in this afternoon and we agreed that since Im going stir crazy I can go home, I still have one drain left in though and this will have to stay in and I will need to come back in tomorrow and have it taken out. So I jump with joy and he agree's to do the big reveal and let me have a shower before he redresses the wound....

Im so excited when I see my tummy without the corset... cant believe what a difference its made...nurse takes some pics for me before they bandage me all up for another week.

So home I go... have to go back to Dr's in a week for stitches in my belly button to come out and to have the dressings taken off but he tells me that I dont need to keep the corset on... Whoo Hoo....

What a week.... So that never ending search to reveal the one within is feeling closer than ever....

Day 7

2009-09-30T06:24:00.002+10:00

This morning I woke with a burning sensation on the scar when I moved to get out of bed, I had however had the best nights sleep during the night with almost no breaks in sleep, so I had stayed still all night.. It did hurt getting out of bed, but by the time I made it to the toilet all was good and I'd loosened everything up.

Dr called this morning and said another 2 drains can come out today, feeling a little dissapointed as I would have liked them all out so I could go home, as lovely as the break from reality has been I am missing my family and am bored out of my brain.....

Day 6

2009-09-30T06:13:00.003+10:00

Last night I woke twice through the night with aching in my torso almost flu like, nothing that panadol wouldnt take away though. Then woke again at 5am with a real pulling feeling to my incision - not painful but really weird and tingly. Asked nurse about it and he said that when you start to heal your scar starts to shrink and thats why its feels like its pulling... so all is good..

Decided to get up and have a wonder around, my beautiful nurse brings me a cup of tea and everything feels better LOL.

After a sponge bath again and freshening myself up I am feeling on top of the world... today I am aiming to walk a lap of the ward every hour and manage to, every day I notice such a difference in how much easier things are getting.

getting funny fluttery feelings under my skin today - almost like when you first feel your baby and its like butterflies....feels really funny!

Day 5

2009-09-30T06:08:00.003+10:00

Feeling quite exausted today I think I may have overdone it with my 3 laps yesterday...manage though to give myself a sponge bath this morning and wash my hair, have to sit down half way through though as I become light headed.

Aim is to stay out of bed and sit in the chair until lunch today, then I know I'll be sleeping all afternoon....

The nurses surprise me and come in and say were taking a drain out today - ahhh I think, Oh no this is going to hurt......I am so scared its ridiculous! The nurse is wonderful and soo gentle and it slides on out without me even feeling it ( well that is until the end bit that feels like a rope with a knot in the end) and as she gets to the end she says take a breath in and she tugs the knot through - again NO pain.... but awww I was nauseous.... haha

So now 3 more drains to come out, they dont like to rush it cause apparently you can end up having to have the fluid syringed out if they take them to early - YUK!

Day 4

2009-09-30T06:02:00.002+10:00

Still have my 4 drains in and know that day 4 was the day that they often come out..... as this was the thing I was more nervous about than anything else I am feeling quite apprehensive...

But feeling a great sense of freedom today I decide to try walking a lap of the ward.... What a shock I can only manage baby steps and every step makes me so exausted......I manage 3 laps and then back to bed for nanna nap time....

Tonight I finally experience pain!!! But no not where I am expecting it..... its in my back! and as the nurses explained I am using my back muscles when walking to compensate for the ones Im not using in my stomach at the moment, but boy it hurts and I ache all night......

Day 3

2009-09-30T05:57:00.003+10:00

This morning I am given the great news I can get the IV and catheter out, they figured seeing as Im not using the PCA there is no point in having it, and I am keen to get out of the bed!

The nurses prepare me for the fact that when they get me out it is going to hurt and that we will just sit on the edge of the bed first , then lean forward till my feet touch the ground and stand bent over like a little old lady..LOL.. then I am to shuffle to the chair...

I am so excited and soooo scared that I am going to be in pain and rip in half that I take it soooo slow, but once again am shocked there is no pain. Im not going to say I didnt feel tight cause its the strangest tightness feeling. But there was truly no pain. Once in the chair I am so exausted I fall asleep immediately...

I stay there for about an hour and a half so excited to be out of that bed, but it all becomes a little too exausting and so I opt to go back.

Now having panadol orally every 6 hours, I have a dull ache feeling all over but nothing that panadol cant take away...

Day 2

2009-09-30T05:51:00.002+10:00

Had a pretty restless night, mainly with a sore bum having to sit in the same position with my back and knees elevated.

Oh and maybe cause I couldnt stop looking down... LOL.... it was somewhere around this time I remember sending my girlfriends a Txt message saying "OMG I can see my fanny - Lovin myself sick" LOL.

So today they are still keeping me bed ridden, thinking the pain will come today, everyone has warned me day 2 is the worst. So I am prepared for a rough day. Nurses come in to sponge bath me and tell me to press the PCA cause they are going to roll me. I am immediately nervous... and really cringe as they begin to roll me, but again - nothing! No pain! So I am thinking ok maybe the anesthetic is still working....

But no the entire day Im fine, no pain... uncomfortable from that position I have to stay in but not in pain.... exausted though, even 5 mins of talking and Im needing a nanna nap to catch up, you know when you feel like your awake and your still chatting but your eyes are glued shut.... haha or is that just me cause I can talk under water...

Lovin Myself Sick

2009-09-30T05:39:00.002+10:00

Well Im back and soooo excited by my new look. The whole week was the most amazing experience and I am sooo happy with the results even though I still have swelling.....

Whilst in hospital I kept a diary so I could update my blog on my thoughts and feelings of each day. I wanted not only a record for myself but one for anyone considering having the surgery to know what really to expect. I know we all have different experiences but this is mine....

Tues 22nd Sept

Arrived at the hosp right on 7am - nervous as hell.. my husband trying to be funny on the way to the hosp asks me if Iam a donor!!!!!!!! (now in his brain he was thinking fat and skin donor and wanted to know if I wanted to donate my bullnose verandah for research LOL) but I was thinking OMG do you think Im going to die......hahaha funny now I can look back at it...

Anyway after arriving at the hosp, I said my good byes to the kids and to Ben and went on in to the prep room, to be calmed immediately by the beautiful nurses telling me how lucky I was to be having the hottest anesthetist they had ever seen. Well they wernt wrong (and in a state of pre med and nervousness - I told him didnt I hahaha).

By the time all the admin stuff was done and I changed into a gown they were ready for me... there was no backing out now! Off to theatre I went. I was told the op would take around 4 hours and it was right on 8am as they wheeled me into theatre.

Next thing I remember is being woken by Mr Hotness himself in recovery and looking straight at the clock and it was 2.30pm, apparently I have been told by the nurses that whilst they were trying to wake me, I was shaking my head saying "No No No, I'm Shopping" - how appropriate for me hahaha.

Back to the room we went at 3.30pm in quite a sleepy state. I remember saying to Ben, they must have me drugged real good cause Im not in any pain....

I was hooked up to a PCA, had a catheter in and 4 drains, they were also pumping IV antiobiotics, fluid and panadol through the drip. But I was feeling really comfortable and didnt need the PCA.

Tummy Tuck $$$$

2009-09-03T14:40:00.002+10:00

As Ive had a few emails asking lots of questions regarding the prices and whats covered etc. I thought I'd pop them on here for you.

As I am having my tummy tuck done due to weighloss and previous ceasarians I am covered under medicare number 30177 as a life altering procedure (not just cosmetic), this does not however mean that I am covered by medicare for the procedure it just means that my private health insurance will cover my stay in hospital and the theatre costs. I still will have to pay the following:

Approx cost of Surgeon $6000 - out of pocket expense - not covered by fund or medicare

Approx cost of Anethetist $1700 - you get about $388 back from medicare

Approx cost of Assistant $500 -not sure on rebate for this one

If having Liposuction you are looking at around $2000 - not covered as this is classed as cosmetic, therefore they also then charge you for a portion of the theatre time in which the lipo will take and this has been estimated by the hosp to be around $500.

So all up you are looking at around $10,000.

You can however claim 20% of anything medical over $1500 in next years tax return so thats at least something...

And you can apply to APRA to have early release of your superannuation to have this procedure done provided your doctor is approving you "medically necessary and placing you under that item number mentioned above".

So there you have it, from what I hear, its pretty much the same price whomever you go to, but its nice to choose someone who you feel comfortable with.

Stay tuned for the gross "before" pics that I will post later LOL

xxTrish

Then because this is classed as cosmetic

The completion of my Journey

2009-08-18T08:15:00.002+10:00

Oh my goodness this year is going fast isnt it...... once again I am shocked by how long it has been since I posted... well life has been treating me pretty good with the band, a while back I had a fair amount of fill taken out and decided to try life for a while with a little more normality.. well this has paid off, my weight dropped again and I am now happy to say Im down to 94kgs and have decided to go ahead with the tummy tuck.

All year I have been listening to the opinions of others and how they would express that maybe I was rushing it and that i should wait but I have done a lot of soul searching over the past few months and decided that I am very happy where I am, I am proud of myself and what I have achieved not only for me but for my family. The only thing holding back that last incling of confidence would be the huge amount of skin hanging in front of my stomach which is as Ive mentioned before causing more problems that just costmetic.

So Ive decided to go with it and complete my journey...

The big day will be the 22nd of Sept, I am so excited but also nervous, thankfully I have some wonderful friends who have already been through it to ask lots of questions to, and a fantastic surgeon who is about the only one Ive ever met with a sense of humor and a great communicator, hence makes this easier and gives me more confidence in the decisions I am making.

So stay posted people, of course I'll add some before and after shots soon

Take care

xxTrish

About time!!!

2009-05-11T19:40:00.002+10:00

I thought I would come on and do an update and I was shocked that it had been sooo long. It feels like yesterday when I was on here and it was January... I couldnt believe it.

Well the past few months have been pretty smooth with the band. I only had one hiccup around Easter when I got the flu and the constant coughing chose to tighten my band. To which my beautiful Dr Fill came and did a house call and took 3 mls out...... and could'nt that come at a nicer time... I was very naughty and totally took advantage of it being Easter and all the Hot Cross Buns and Chocy's.... hence why I managed to gain 3 kgs in one weekend!!!!!

So from then week by week I have been going and having 0.3mls put back in, and at the moment I am managing most foods but in a baby bowl. Which is the place I really like to be. Its amazing how much you enjoy the taste of food when youve been too tight to eat it....

I now weigh 96kgs. I have been to visit a few plastic surgeons in the past few weeks too, as I have been left with a very large over hang of skin and everything down below seems to have headed south too. The surgeon assured me that by having a tummy tuck and by pulling everything back up not only will I realise I DO have a fanny.... but I will loose that weak bladder aswell....so in my eyes there is really no reason NOT to.....BRING IT ON!!!!

I have decided on a lovely surgeon who is new to Newy and plan on having the surgery at the end of the year. I would hope that I am around the 90kgs by then. Which really should be an achieveable mark.

Well thats about it for now. Till next entry, take care xx

Still in my Happy Little Place

2009-01-17T13:13:00.002+11:00

Well nothing much has changed, its just dawned on me that it coming up to 2 years since I was banned and wow alot has happened in that time.... most of all I would say that I am content these days, I am comfortable in my body for the first time in years.
Since my last post I have lost another 3kgs and although I have been this weight before, this time its different, everything seems to have shifted into a different place. I have gotten alot of compliments of late even though my weight has been relatively the same.
Anyway not much to tell, Just wanted to touch base and say Hi......Oh and I guess to tell you that yes I am loosing and still eating. Im back at that happy place where really anything will go down,but it is taking me around 30mins to eat anything. I personally think this is a good place to be.
Attached Ive added a pic of me, this is of the board shorts that I had on in the photo of me in the pool below. At that time a size 26 was snug and I was having trouble getting clothes. This is the only item of clothing I have kept from "the old me" as it was a true indication of how big I was, boardies as many of you would know have no stretch in them. So I am very proud to say I can not only fit in one leg of them know, I can put my kids in them too...lol.

Happy as a pig in mud

2008-11-19T20:34:00.004+11:00

I've finally got it!!!!!!!!! Yes I perservered and I finally understand what the "sweet spot" is. All this time I was thinking just a little more fill and I will be on a whirlwind of weightloss. But since my slippage I decided that slow and steady would hopefully win the race.
Well thanks to my ever so beautiful and understanding new doctor, slow and steady is winning the race.
I am proud to say that I had cancelled the last 2 appointments I had booked with Dr Fill, mainly cause I just wasnt sure where I was, somedays I felt like I could eat a horse, then the next day the horse would get stuck...and ouch I'd be back on fluids for a day.

So I was putting off my appt mainly scared he would want to take some out and in this 3 weeks I discovered, well my brain finally got it, that there are foods that are going to be a no no, nomatter how many times I try.

So I have come to the conclusion I want to be able to eat, I dont want to miss out like I was a year ago. So I went back and saw Dr Fill and admitted that I can eat just about anything and I am loving it, but that the reflux was still a major issue, so he went through the usual questions, am i eating after 7pm.....NO, have a elevated my bed....YES, blah blah, and yes we have agreed that I am just one of those unlucky ones that is going to suffer from reflux, So he put me on pariot tables and so far so good. The relief was instant.

But then.........he weighed me, and here I was thinking well my mind is in a really good place at the moment and my pants are feeling looser so it has to be something good and yep it was.....I have lost 4 kgs since seeing him 4 weeks ago. Whoooo Hoooo, I was so happy. and thats with eating!!!!!!!!! Ha Ha.....

So while I sit here on my little high, I am going to enjoy it......

On another note though, there is something that I would like to mention. For those of you out there that are finding your are emotionally struggling. I would have to say that up until around a fortnight ago I was feeling really down emotionally, not coping with the normal day to day stuff with the kids and really feeling out of control. I actually went to see my GP about going on antidepressants. Thankfully I am blessed with a wonderful GP aswell and she had a chat to me about the hormones, and how the hormones in our bodies change dramatically with such big amounts of weightloss and that this can often lead us to thinking we have depression when all it is is needing some leveling out to get the hormones right. So she actually suggested that I went back on the pill (something that I havent been on since having my tubes tied almost 4 years ago) as the pill mucked me around and i am hopeless at remembering to take those damn little tablets, I asked if I could go back on Depoprovera then, but she explained that apparently there is something in Depo that increases your chances or osteoporosis, and as having the band also increases your chances of that we didnt want to double that. So the last choice was to have an IUD put in called the Mirena. It has a slow release hormone in it that lasts 5 years, and this should help me level out the hormones.
So 2 weeks ago I went to the gyno and had one put in. Although extreemly uncomfortable procedure, I cant tell you the difference I feel it is already making....... I am feeling more in control. So I just wanted to share this with you as I know others who have had the same experience with the out of control feelings and maybe this is why alot of surgeons all over Australia are insisting you see a psychologist as part of the whole banding package. It acutally makes sense...... Well till next time. Keep Safe xx

an update

2008-10-27T15:04:00.002+11:00

Well I thought I would come on and give you an update, not that there is alot to update but hey there is a little :)

I am moving down ever so slowly I am now at 105.5kgs which is fine, I even pleased myself today when I called and cancelled my next appt. I am finding that my restriction at the moment is good, not as much as I think I would like, but I keep telling myself to take it slow this time.... I can eat most things with the exception of bread, the difference I am still finding is that I tend to be able to eat for a few minutes fine and then feel discomfort whereas before I would feel discomfort whilst eating....

But thats about it.....till next time

Reflux Fixed!

2008-10-12T11:57:00.002+11:00

Oh and I forgot to mention to those of you who have messaged me about Reflux,

I have found a way to eliminate this completley ...... My Dr had said well you just cant eat after 7pm, which I was really struggling with as if the kids have afternoon activities and if Ben gets work after hours we often dont eat until quite late. So everynight as much as I had good intentions it just didnt happen and I would end up choking as soon as I went to bed.

Then I had a thought that I could just have refux tablets in the evening and maybe that would help.....WRONG! It didnt do a thing....so with much frustration I can tell you this is the solution I came up with....

Dont eat ANYTHING after 8pm, (I had to make it 8 as 7 just wasnt do-able) and then sip on boiling water for the evening....I know sounds boring doesnt it, and it has taken some real will power not to want that evening snack but the boiling water somehow tricks my mind into thinking i am having that evening coffee......I know weird! But hey if it works dont knock it.

Since doing this I am no longer waking choking on vommit......and we all know how revolting that is!

no to chicken but yes to sandwiches ?????

2008-10-12T11:50:00.003+11:00

Well since I last posted I have been back to see the always beautiful Dr Fill, he gave me 0.3mls which initially I was thinking...oh thank goodness I didnt get the 0.5mls as I was really restricted to liquids only on the first few days, but now having that amount for over a week I am feeling thankful I have another appt on friday as I my appetite is back, and although I struggle on somethings such as chicken or pasta, I can still quite easily get down a sandwich???? Go figure!!!!

So my weight is 106 which is great that it is moving in the right direction, but seems to have stuck, so hopefully after friday I will be able to reach that sweet spot and not need to go back for some months....

Anyway bandsters, till next time...
xx

movin movin movin....

2008-09-20T17:30:00.003+10:00

Well I'm 2 days away from my next fill and as I think I said in the last post it often takes 2 weeks to know the real restriction so Im glad I have another fill booked.
This time it has definatley given me restriction, but not quite enough, I have however lost 3kg now so I am very happy to say its moving in the right direction.
The first week I was thinking yippee I can barely eat a thing, now I am back to eating everything, but a much smaller amount and taking heaps longer. So I think another 0.2mls will make all the difference. I dont want to be back where I was when I couldnt manage a thing, this time I have come to accept that I still want to be able to eat food....just no where near as much .... cause lets face it....I love food!
But the goal of 100kgs by Christmas seems very do-able now. So feeling very happy about the future. xx

Loosing again....

2008-09-11T13:57:00.002+10:00

Well its been 2 weeks since my last post so I thought I would update on how I am going. Well the last time I wrote I had been to see the dietician and the new dr and had 0.5ml put in my band. This unfortunately didnt change a thing. I was still able to eat just about everything.....so this week back I went again for a little more, 0.5mls was put in again and let say ...yippee... I am finally feeling restriction again....not as much as I would like long term but hey its better than last week.
Its just so lovely to be under a dr now that is caring and kind and not at all concerned with how often i come, infact he suggested I come fortnightly, which is great as I always find you really do need a couple of weeks for the swelling to truly go down and for you to know the "real" restriction that you've been given. So last night soup was all I could manage and only half a bowl, which as crazy as it sounds to you was quite exciting to me, due to the fact the night before I had sat down to steak & veg....
Today I have been grazing on not such healthy stuff if I am to be honest but am feeling a real restriction. The scales today said I had lost 1.5kgs so I am happy, finally they are moving down not up!
The only thing I am struggling with at the moment is really bad reflux at night, I know that i eat too late and that I like my late coffee, but I think they are going to have to go, as the past week I have been dropping off to sleep only to be woken in a panic with vommit coming up my nose.....yuk! and thats after taking medication and having a swig of mylanta on the way to bed. So I must remember to mention that on my next visit......well until then.....be safe!

Finally light again at the end of the tunnel

2008-08-27T15:46:00.001+10:00

Well I just thought I would sit on here and share with you the events of my day.... this morning I went to see the new Dr and Dietician.

Thank you to those wonderful friends who might have had a little whisper in my dietician's ear and given her the info she needed to know to be ready with open arms and wonderfully supportive...you know who you are, so thank you.

Then I saw the wonderful Dr who couldnt have been more lovely, so after coming home feeling really "right" about my decisions to swap I made myself a cuppa and who should call on my phone...yep you guessed it the "other" doctor.

He was as nice as pie, very straightforward but still nice, had a chat to me about why he wanted to see me and that he felt gastric bypass was the only option for me to suceed. Then asked my thoughts on this and the reasons behind the swap, I simply said that I was tired of feeling as though I was a problem to him and I didnt want to be walking on egg shells.

He said he understood and that he was more than happy to transfer my files. Then wished me all the best and then said that if I changed my mind and came to see him then we would talk some more about the GB.

So after hanging up and the next half an hour calming down from the shaking I was doing whilst talking to him (I know I am such a baby) I am feeling better than ever with my decision, I dont feel as though I am ready to make the step to have such a drastic op at the moment and I do feel with the right medical support I can make this band work really well for me.

So I just thought I would share that with all of you and once again thank you for your love and support, it has been a rather stressful time for me so I am thankful its over and thankful I have friends like you all.

Monday's vision

2008-08-18T21:28:00.003+10:00

Well I have had a lovely weekend which has given me a break from the real world and alot of time to reflect on what I want to do.

This morning I went straight to see a new Drs secretary and have a chat to her, I thought there is no point in worrying about what to do if I dont have any option, but lucky for me I do.......

She said of course I could change over to be her Dr's patient. All I have to do is get a referral from my GP, fantastic, appt already booked......so will see Dr next week.

Then I decided I owed it to my dietician to contact her and let her know of my decision, at first I was really concerned thinking that I have probably already been bad mouthed. But to my surprise she was completely shocked by what I told her and agreed that I was doing the right thing, gave me her complete support and still offered to come and sort things out with me if I wanted to go and confront him myself.
I thanked her but said, really there was no point it would just be wasting everyones time, as I had made up my mind that I really dont want to be treated this way anymore and things need to change. So we left on a lovely note and she told me if ever i needed her help, Id know where to find her.

So things are going right, I am feeling very content in the decisions I have made. All I need to do now is send a letter requesting my files be sent to Dr.....mmmm wonder if "all" my files will be sent to him :)

Till next time xx

Re-evaluating Thursday

2008-08-18T21:22:00.002+10:00

I am feeling a little better this morning, I know I did the right thing in my heart by going there and having fill out, what I am confused about is that when we get a fill we are told that if for any reason its too much call anytime so when you do you dont expect to be yelled at.

I guess I was taken back because I would have never gone there and asked them to page him from home, I knew he was there so thats why I called. I am also confused as to why he is so upset with me for having so many fills as this is only my 3rd since the op, and arnt you suppose to have many before you get that optimum spot.

I had 5ml before my fill, 6ml after and I said to him that 5.5 is going to be my spot, but instead thats when he started raising his voice and only left me with 4 in, so great now I am back at the beginning again.........and by the sounds of things he is not going to be willing to give me anymore.

I just feel as though everyone who is doing well is able to see there dr on a reg basis knowing they can get a little in here and a little out there unitl they find the right spot, instead I tend to op to take to much cause I know the next appt wont be for another 6 weeks, and now of course he wont top me up at all........

I am thinking of transferring to another dr, think i will think somemore before I make any rash decisions.I am also thinking of asking my dietician if she will come see him with me as if I go on my own I know he is only going to yell at me again, and to be honest I am a little afraid, I know with you guys I have verbal diahorrea but I hate confrontation and I always end up sitting there allowing him to yell at me, while the whole time I am just concentrating on not bursting into tears.

Thursday night.....

2008-08-18T21:18:00.001+10:00

Well Iam on here tonight to vent....I am feeling so confused tonight and have spent the last hour in tears. Basically yesterday I went for another fill which I desperately needed and dietician agreed, my Dr wasnt there but his offsider was and so I had the fill with him, he decided to put 1ml in my band, I did the water test, which was fine with no noticable restriction.

Came home and found there was definatley a difference with afternoon cuppa and struggled through dinner, had terrible reflux last night through the night.
This morning breaky I decided to have a banana smoothy and I ended up only drinking half, I wasnt in pain just discomfort, lunch I had some custard and again discomfort, but by this afternoon around 4pm I had another cuppa and I ended up in a bit of pain, I decided that I was too tight and so called the surgery to arrange a time to have some fill out.

They said they could only fit me in tomorrow at 1pm so I said ok. So dinner tonight I attempted a really soft quiche, after about 3 mouthfuls I was sick and decided that since I have done this the wrong way in the past I wouldnt be silly and so I called the hosp to see if I could come in as my dr was there, they said that was fine and so off I went thinking I was doing the sensible right thing.

Once there I saw my dr who although very friendly at first, once the door was closed blew me up, saying he was sick of this, sick of me coming in, that this was just rediculous and that he thinks its time we looked at other options and that obviously the band isnt going to work for me, then the nurse walked in and he stopped the conversation....I am so angry with myself for not speaking up and so confused as I thought I was doing the right thing....and now he wants to see me in a week to talk about having the band out!!!!!!!!!!!

Filled to the brim!

2008-08-13T18:26:00.002+10:00

Well I got in to see my dietician today, and after her explaining to me for half an hour that I am not taking in enough protien (which I might add was very interesting) she agreed that I desperately needed a fill, then to my surprise she offered for me to see my Drs offsider who was there and could do my fill straight away...whoo hoo.

So off I went into his office resigned to the fact that once again I would be lucky to get another 0.5mls but to my surprise he put 1 ml in. I did my water test, felt nothing and was sitting thinking, what is going on???? But no sooner had I arrived home to make myself a cuppa and all the breaks have come on...tonight I made jacket potatoes with Satay Chicken Kebabs, realising fully that I was going to be a little more restricted, well wasnt that an understatement.......I would say in total I have probably eaten 2 tablespoons of food an now am sitting in an uncomfortable state of fullness, but no complaints, this is what I wanted so now my brain is just going to have to adjust.... I think I will see though how I go this week as I dont want to be too silly and be too tight so I might just be going back on Friday for 0.5 to come back out, we'll see how we go when the swelling goes down.

So round 2# Mark 10, here we go again......13th August - 110kgs, goal is to be back at 100 by Christmas.....I think that should be doable!

Fatty Patty by name Fatty Patty by nature!

2008-08-08T19:36:00.004+10:00

I am writing right now as if I dont do something with my hands I will be forced to go and get some chocolate and that will only depress me more!

I have been really good going to the gym 3 days a week and really enjoying going, I have been reasonably good with my meals and still do have some restriction with the meat and bread, I decided that it was better to start weighing myself weekly rather than daily and today was the day when I thought I will just pop on and see how I am doing......only to discover that I was up to 110kgs!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just cant believe I am gaining....

I called Dr's office this morning to speak to my dietician and beg for an earlier appt and would you believe it, oh sorry shes on holidays.....AHHHHHH! So I managed to get an appt with Dr next Thursday. Mind you I could gain another 5 kgs in that time.

I just cant believe I have gained 10 kgs in such a short time...I keep thinking is that possible? And or how dehydrated must I have been. But the scales dont lie! So I guess i just need to tape my mouth shut until Thursday and see how we go with getting more fill then......

Anyway thanks for listening, I feel better now I have that off my chest......

confused....

2008-08-01T19:47:00.002+10:00

Hi again, well all has been going well, I still have restriction, not as much as I would like, but there is some there. I am a bit confused as while I find bread and meat hard to stomach at times, I can still get them down but then after I eat them I get a real stretching feeling in my lower stomach that feels like a balloon that is going to burst.

I can only assume that I am still eating too much and that my orginal lower stomach is stretching as it probably has become smaller over the time I was restricted really tight. The thing I am not getting this time is that STOP eating feeling, I am able to it seems eat anything but then the pain in my lower stomach is so bad 10 mins later I am wishing I hadnt eaten at all. Something I will talk to the dietician about next week.

As far as the weighloss goes I am at a complete standstill which again I am not sure if its the amounts I am still eating or the fact that Iam going to the gym 3 days a week.....and for the first time not just walking on the treadmill but getting into the weights machines aswell....

Looks like I am bulking up girls...watch out next they will be testing me for steriods at the dietician.....lol

Am very happy to say though, the motivation for excercise is kicking in and I am actually looking forward to it these days...

Anyway thats the update for this month.....looking forward to a hopefully skinnier August!

Back to 5 mls.....

2008-07-21T17:13:00.002+10:00

Finally....feeling restriction again, its funny even though it hasnt been all that long ago its amazing how quickly you forget what real restriction feels like, as I mentioned in my last post I had an appt with Dietician, well I told her that I could eat anything and then still snack on the brickwork of my house for afters.
She agreed I definately needed more fill. So off I went to see my lovely Dr thinking he would agree to maybe 0.2 or if I was lucky 0.5 but he suggested we went straight for 1ml.

So now I have 5mls in my 10ml band and boy has it made a difference. As always it is different from day to day but so far to give you an example of what I have eaten today 1 weetbix and a cup of coffee- took me 1/2 hr, some left over pasta for lunch about 1 cup took 45 minutes (I had to heat it up twice while consuming) and i am about to try tacos for dinner so will have to let you know how that goes.
I am happy to say though .....no hunger! So I am a happy girl and looking forward to seeing the scales at the end of the week.

My new band name "Will Power"

2008-07-13T11:34:00.002+10:00

Feeling very frustrated......I can still eat everything. 4mls is just not enough, I have an appt on Monday week with the dietician and I am hoping for some good news in the fill department. I dont remember still being able to down bread at 4 mls last time but I can this time.....this band is so confusing... I am thinking 4.5 is where I would like to be, I should find bread difficult then and meat a no no, I dont want to be silly and go back to where I was where a half an avocado was my daily intake but I do want my will power back and as I seem to have no control of my own, I want my bands will power to take over.

Clothes are still fitting in the size 18 but I cant say I would like them to feel any tighter..... before the whole fix up with the band I was closer to the 16 than the 18 now I feel like I am creeping back to the 20 and this cant happen as I have given all my 20s away.....lol and lets face it no one wants to see a size 20 roaming around without clothes on......

Had a dinner with my fellow bandits on Friday night and felt very jealous of some of them struggling to eat their soup, meanwhile I was eating my prawns, rice and salad then going a lemon meringue pie and coffee......see my will power has gone on holidays.....

I did however get forced to get up on the dancefloor as imbarrasing as it may have been but was pleasantly surprised to find even worse dancers than me performing at their best that night. I did laugh in the shower the next morning though when my hips were hurting from the dancing....lol But at least I may have gotten rid of some of the meringue fat.....

So I will sit with my premenstral bowl of chocolate now and wait until Monday week to see if we cant get this will power tighter....hey thats made me think of my name for the band. (many of my fellow bandits have a name for their band like, freddy etc) so i think I will call mine "Will power".
Till then xxx

4 mls in

2008-06-25T15:20:00.002+10:00

Well my appointment on Monday went well.

(Other than the bit where I had to get on the scales.....I am now 106kgs, not a happy girl. It just goes to show that without the band I would go back to morbid obesity in no time....)

He gave me 2mls making my band now at 4mls, so I am happy with that as I did think he may have even gone slower than that. He did however say he didnt want me to loose any weight in the next 6months.........yes you can imagine my reaction to that.....NOT HAPPY!

But he also said he wont let me gain any...so I have to be happy with that, as much as I want to loose know I need to be paitient.

So its back to the gym I go and try to firm up once again all the floppy bits...lol.
Restriction is ok, definately eating less...
Till next time xx

needing fill desperately

2008-06-13T18:53:00.002+10:00

Well its been another week of mush and I am finding my appetite is going through the roof, I have the instructions from my dietician that to only have a half cup of food moving to a full cup if really hungry...... and I could eat 5 cups with the way my appetite is. I am seeing her on Monday to see if I am ready for a fill. Gosh I hope so or I am going to eat the house!

I will be interested to see how conservative my Dr is this time though as one of my previous mistakes was wanting my band as tight as it would go. Now we know this was a very BAD thing to do. So as I know there is NO fill in the band I am wondering if he is going to put much in! Others I've spoken to have had 3mls at there first fills and with my original band I had 3.5 in already from the surgery. I know there is nothing in it this time though as that is something I asked in hospital.

So in the meantime my cravings for chocolate and icecream are terrible, feel like its that time of the month all month....lol

But I have decided to go back to the excercise......grrr....for those of you who know amazing Donna (she has lost 100kgs....yes 100kgs) I am going for a walk with her tomorrow...... so I will get back and let you know how I go and if I can keep up! lol!
till then xx

Fluid Stage Over....Whoo Hoo!

2008-06-06T20:01:00.002+10:00

Well I am offically over the fluid stage....and what a relief that is. Now the hard part starts though, eating real food (even if it is mashed) quantity is going to be the issue as with no fluid in my band there is no restriction......so chew chew chew - here I come!

I just really want to get this right this time! I think I might stay with the optifast for breakfasts as I still have 2 boxes so may aswell use them...

and after reading bridgets blog I am thinking the food diary might also be a good choice to make...oh well only two weeks to my first fill.....

Lapband Support Group Newcastle

2008-06-03T16:17:00.003+10:00

Hi, just wanting to reply to Jo, who left me a lovely message this week and let her know that if she would like to join us for dinner on Thursday 5th June at Valentine Bowling Club, she would be more than welcome, a group of about 15-20 bandsters normally go and its a great place to socialise with people who "know" what your going through. You are more than welcome to bring your family along too if that makes you feel more comfortable. xxTrish

Stage 2 Begins

2008-05-31T08:24:00.002+10:00

Well the beginning of stage 2 has arrived and it could not have come soon enough.... I really struggled in those few weeks with my band undone. Struggled with the emotions of wanting to eat everything and the fear of gaining it all back.

So Tuesday was a welcome relief. I went in first thing in the morning which was great as I didnt want to be sitting there all day. As it was I was 3rd on the list to be done and luckily for me no.2 didnt show up so I was done even sooner.

Spent the next 2 days recouperating, while my family went crazy around me.....its nice sometimes to know they cant cope without you, but stressful when you know theres nothing you can do about it either....So Thursday morning I came home and got back into the swing of things - there is no rest for the wicked they say!!! LOL

I am still a little sore and taking things slower but feeling great and so relieved to have that restriction back. Scales this morning bought me back to 103.5 so were heading in the right direction....

Have appointment with Dietician on Monday so will move onto mushys from there.... Ben is cooking Bacon and Eggs at the moment and I could just about go and lick his plate...but no I will be strong.... mmmm do wonder though how they would go in the blender!!! LOL

Well off to the markets... will write again soon when I have something more to tell
xxx

Ready for Stage 2

2008-05-17T09:07:00.002+10:00

I have just over a week to go till I go in again and have my surgery. I'm so excited to be going back. Interesting though I cant name the amount of people who have said to me.

"Do you think you would be better just to leave it and enjoy eating again???"

and my answer is "Hell NO!"

In the past 4 weeks I have gained around 6kgs, now if that isnt telling me where I would be now without surgery...what is? I mean I know alot of that is probably fluid as I was so dehydrated but 6 kgs!!! AAAHHHH!

I do often think about where I would be now had I never gone ahead with the surgery, and part of me wonders......maybe dead! Its scary to think where my lack of will power takes me, and even more reason why I want to get the whole banding thing right this time.....

I have to say though, now back on the optifast stage, I feel like its all new again and I find myself going back and reading everyones intial blogs to see where I am going to be at. The hardest thing for me I think will be to slow down. The chew, chew, chew part is the hardest as I've always been more of a gulper!!! LOL!

So back at now 103.5 kgs I am ready to embark on Stage 2...... hopefully my next entry will be after my surgery and at the 99kg mark again! What a rollercoaster! If not, and you are wondering where I am, I'll probably be down at the local shrinks office.....crying!! LOL!

Till then xxx

AAAHHH !!! My appetite is back!!!!

2008-04-26T11:11:00.000+10:00

Well I am on here thinking I will do a post as that will take at least 5 mins and so theres another 5 minutes I am not looking for food...... I am going crazy with my cravings - anyone would think I was pregnant - no no no - I can assure you I am NOT!!!

But I do feel as though I could eat a whole bakery.... yes bread is my thing at the moment, I guess 13 months without any and I cant even look at baker's delight without drooling, this morning I was going to stop there and get something for morning tea (have the inlaws coming for lunch) and when I saw the counter I had to run away, I was having overwhelming thoughts about all the tea buns and how many I could eat!!!!

So I decided on some buscuits from Woolies as they are no temptation, rather boring really!
Currently I have gained 3 kgs, now my surgeon assured me that I would gain at least that in fluid but it doesnt make it any easier seeing the numbers on the scales....

I have to see my dietician next week, what am I going to tell her - Gosh I hope she doesnt look up banding blogs - she'll know all about my bread addiction and I'll be in big trouble!!! LOL!

So I am going to have to concentrate on portion control this week and saying NO to bread!
I have got my 1 cup measure out so as I dont eat more than this in one sitting, gosh I miss restriction when you just physically couldnt eat the one cup of food, now I could eat the contents and the cup aswell!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok off to clean bathrooms, I think I'll make a list of things to keep me busy and get Ben to bring home a padlock for the fridge and pantry!

Doctor's Visit

2008-04-19T18:27:00.000+10:00

Went to see my Dr on Friday and just as I said all was fine and I had nothing to worry about....if anything he was really nice to me.....

He said that when I go back in to have the band done up, he is going to do another procedure on me in which he puts a camera down my throat aswell so as he can make sure the band is definately in the correct place.

So that is all great I am feeling confident about having it all done, the only down side to all this is that he is off to China next week and so I cant get done until the 27th May!!!!

Yes 6 weeks....AHHH I could gain 50kgs in that time with the appetite I have!
Back to the optifast I am thinking!

My Past Week

2008-04-16T08:19:00.000+10:00

Well what a past week it has been, after me gloating on here about how wonderful I was feeling I ended up back in hospital on the Monday with a suspected blood clot on the lung, but after 2 cat scans and an ultrasound on the legs and several warfrin injections either it disolved or the only other reason they gave me was that my body had gone into shock from the operation.....

So back at home now I am feeling a mix of emotions, still quite tired and I wouldnt say sore, just uncomfortable. I find after I eat anything I get a little breathless. and the eating thing is what I am struggling with the most - my appetite is back with avengence and that is really bothering me. I dont want to gain back the 36kgs in the next 2 weeks waiting for my band to be done back up!!!

I have an appointment with my Dr on Friday and will hopefully get a date to have it done then, but I always feel so aprehensive when I have an appointment with him - dont know why, I feel like a school girl waiting to see the principal!!! Silly - as once I have seen him I always think to myself - what was I worrying about!!! So this week I try desperately to stick to a "healthy diet" I had thought of going on optifast but then my appetite takes over and this little voice inside says "you havent eaten properly in months - eat food!!!" So that goes out the window. I will however go back on it when he tells me a date as I do want my body as well prepared for this next surgery as possible...

Anyway thats me......

The Good Old Slippage Trick

2008-04-05T11:40:00.000+11:00

Well yep you guessed it - I ended up with Band Slippage! It all started in the early hours of Tuesday morning when I woke with the most incredible pain through my chest and back, for those of you who have heard people say its like having a heart attack I can agree that yes thats kind of what I thought was happening.... So I called the hospital, only to be told that my surgeon had only just finished in theatre an hour before but was back on rounds in the morning if I could wait till then, so I propped myself up in the recliner chair with a heat pack and tried to get some sleep......
By 6am couldnt bare it anymore, called the hosp again they said to go straight to John Hunter Hospital and that my Dr would meet me there as he was going to be in theatre all day. Once arriving they gave me some morphine to help with the pain, and sent me straight to have chest xrays. This confirmed that I had an anterior slippage of the band and that surgery needed to happen fast, basically I was so dehydrated as I hadnt had any fluid in around 48 hrs that had actually stayed in my body and my band was choking my stomach. So all his surgeries got bumped back and they took me straight in.

After 4 hours in surgery the outcome was one I am very happy with, they were able to re-position the band and leave it undone (bit like putting on your belt through all the loops but not buckling it up) so as not having to remove the band I will not need major surgery again, now I will need to return in around 4 weeks for a day surgery procedure where they will use 2 keyhole points to do the band up. So now I think we have a tally of around 10 incisions and 2 more to come, we'll be able to play join the dots soon...LOL...

So anyway all is going well, I am feeling better than I have in months, I have another appointment with my Dr in 2 weeks and I'll know more then as to when the next surgery will happen....

Measuring time again

2008-03-31T20:08:00.000+11:00

Thought I would have a look at the good old measurements again........I am finally at the 99kgs mark..yippee - under 100kgs..... its slowly movin again!!!

Chest: 115
Abdo: 99
Waist: 99
Tummy: 129
Hips: 124
Thigh: 69
Arm: 35

March Update

2008-03-30T13:13:00.000+11:00

Well the last month has gone by so quick, not much I can say is happened, I have been struggling again.....seems to be the story of my life since August last year....

About 2 weeks ago went to a girlfriends night out, and after 2 sips on my glass of champane sure enough I was hanging over the toilet again in massive amounts of pain. Once this happens I assume I swell from the vommiting and then of course spend the next 2 days not being able to eat a thing.

Well thats what happened, by the Monday night I was in such unbearable pain I went to the hospital and waited for my surgeon to come out of surgery and take all my fill out. The relief was instant! So off I went home thinking great, I'll see him in a few weeks and get some more fill and start all over again. But this time it has been different.

The initial relief from the pain was instant but normally once all my fill is out I'm ready to eat a horse. As you normally can fit in whatever you like....but for the past 2 weeks I am all over the place. I find that breakfast is definately a no no! Coffee goes down fine but nothing else. Then lunch, a salad goes down fine, which is nice as when I am on tight restriction salad is no friend of mine!!! But as for anything solider - forget it! and if I even try soft drink (which I know were not suppose to drink) I vommit without fail.....

The last 3 times I have tried to have alcohol, the pain I have ended up in is excruciating.....but in the scans it says I dont have gallstones....So I am completely confused, I have another appointment on Thursday with the surgeon, so hopefully I will have another answer then!

WOW! 1 year banded already

2008-02-28T17:46:00.000+11:00

Well I thought I would do this now, I know my official 1 year anniversary of banding isnt until Saturday but I will be away this weekend and so thought while I'm sitting here motivated to write I will do it.

I'm not sure how I feel about my 1 year anniversary, I think deep down I am a little dissapointed in myself, I know, I know I should be happy and proud of what I have lost already but I think I would have really like to have reached the 50kgs in weighloss by my first anniversary rather than now looking at that for my second!

My Dr says I need more patience and I know he is right, well part of me agrees, the other part just wants this fat to go away.....

As I reflect though on what this year has brought me I am very greatful, for the first time in years I am able to shop in just about any shop without having the look for the "fat section", I now can walk around without ANY pain or breathlessness, and for the first time in years I wore swimmers and swam with my kids at the beach at Christmas and didnt feel like everyone was staring......and I actually joined a gym and enjoy going.....who would have thought hey!

So the past year has seen a lot of life changing things happen to me. It is hard for me to remember the person I was before or really how I became that person!
I hope this next year brings me to my ultimate goal and to see myself in dresses and sleeveless things!

For those of you who have supported me through this very emotional year - I cannot thank you enough, particularly to Tarn, you have been like a sister to me, been my shoulder to cry on, and my pyschologist - I love you and thank you for always being there.
Well enough of the blubbering. Here's to another great year! and the research of plastic surgery!!!! LOL!!!

Back to Reality - now 102kgs - again!

2008-02-25T17:19:00.000+11:00

Well the latest on my blog of a life, goes with having fill put back in last week to take me to 4mls, which has been great all week while I have stuck to the liquid phase.....weekend from hell arrived though as I started moving back to the solids, they didnt agree.....so spent the whole weekend getting to know my toilet bowl really well. Today I have had 1ml taken back out to try and ease the pain. Great now, I was so dehidrated I think I have probably drunk about 4 litres this afternoon.
Had a big chat to my Dr, he wants me to really slow down, he said really what I have lost in the last 12 months I should have done over 2 years, so as he knows my first goal is to get to the 100kgs he said I have a year to loose my last 2 kgs......funny man! I can see where hes coming from though - I am the most impaitient person I know! and I just feel so close to the goal, its killing me not being able to step over it.....so back to 3mls now, will be as patient as I can be and see what happens.....

OMG What a Weekend!!!

2008-02-12T16:06:00.000+11:00

What the hell was I thinking asking for a ml..................my impaitients some times drives me crazy! Well yes I got the ml they had some trouble finding my port based on the fact it seems to have turned sideways.....but never the less he managed to find it and all was well....well until Friday night and Saturday all I did was vomit even a the slightest sip of water.....the pain was terrible and so the Beautiful Dr Phil had to come around on Saturday afternoon to take some fill back out......only to find that he couldnt get my port at all.

Yes I was starting to panic - thinking I may never eat or drink again! LOL my port had completely turned upside down....so after about 35 attempts at trying to get it he had me relax and manually turned it back on its side just enough to get the fill out....but in turn he pulled 3 mls out.....AAAAHHHHHHH yes thats right now I am back to the beginnning again...... this is so frustrating!

So now I have to go back in and have surgery to have it sewn back onto the muscle or whatever it is they attach it too....and yes I know your all thinking well how did is dislodge itself...my pump class did it.....in the first one I ever did I can remember feeling a pop, but thought oh I must be putting too much pressure on it, at the time it didnt hurt so I didnt worry....turns out my Dr tells me that he has several paitients who excercise at the gym and they are the ones who end up having to have it sewn back all the time! So much for excercise...........ouch!

Whats going on.......

2008-02-06T17:10:00.000+11:00

Well after my last post and all those positive thoughts I was having about the future......I am begining to think someone is trying to play a trick on me..... I just cant seem to get my scales to be nice.....I was thinking all was going well as I have been really watching what I am eating and yet this week they are back to 105kgs....... So I have made an appointment to have another fill on Friday and I am going to ask for a complete ml........ dont know if he'll be that generous but you dont get if you dont ask - right???

My restriction is all over the place too, a week ago I was having trouble swallowing anything and today I sat down to fish and chips.........(yes I know I said I was watching what I am eating - Give me a break I was out to lunch with the girls and it was that or steak!) Anyway CHIPS!!! I havent been able to eat them without puking since before banding - so I dont know what is going on......
Fill me up I say.........I need that band tight to stop my will power from leading me off the track. Hence why my blog name is fattypatty.......the nickname will stick forever!

Finally Moving.......

2008-02-02T21:13:00.000+11:00

Well since my last post I have come to realise that its me that needs to slow down.....whats that saying "take time to stop and smell the roses" well I think that is what I have realised I need to do. This is just such an emotional journey and sometimes you get so caught up with "loosing weight" you really do forget to stop and look at the big picture and realise what you have already accomplished.

I was feeling really frustrated in my last post, thinking that everything was at a bit of a stand still, I was having problems eating some foods but then not feeling as though I had enough restriction on quantity of others...but I had to stop once again and realise that since I had had all my fill removed and been able to return to the "good old life" that now having more fill put in also means slow down on the eating and chew chew chew as we read everywhere, so why doesnt it register in our brain.

My husband often looks at me eating and says to me why? Why did I eat that when I knew it was going to cause me grief 10 mins later, and I look at him and just shrug my shoulders because he's right, why cant my brain allow me the common sense to say no and stop eating things that I know I cant.
So that has been my week, I have really taken note of what I have been eating BEFORE it goes in my mouth rather than after. I know anyone who may be reading this is thinking.......why would you do that, surely you know what works and what doesnt? But the truth is I dont have an answer for why my brain thinks the way it does....all I know is, nothing can prepare you for what you go through emotionally after banding and everyones journey is so different to the rest.

But since been sensible this week and really taking note, I am finally moving down the scales. This morning I was down to 103kg so I am feeling more confident to start another week........

Time to measure again

2008-01-21T19:34:00.000+11:00

I was just having a look at my blog and thinking, I have been trying to keep a postitive outlook since having these setbacks lately and even though the weight seems to be at a standstill these past few months I keep getting an amazing amount of comments from people about how good I am looking so it has got me curious and I have decided to do the measurements again.........

Chest: 115
Abdo: 101
Waist: 103
Tummy: 130
Hips: 126
Thigh: 71
Arm: 35

Nup, I'm just the same........who knows!!! Oh well I will keep a postitive attitude, back to the gym in the morning to see if I can tone up this flabby body........LOL...

my photos

2008-01-20T20:27:00.001+11:00

I have just realised my photos have all been cut in half when changing my template.......so for those of you looking.... no Ben and I havent split up and him missing in the family photo is not deliberate!!!! LOL.... will have to look into that and work out why it has happened........

January 08

2008-01-20T19:03:00.000+11:00

Well what a few months it has been......my band has given me a bit of greif....I was trotting along loving life with my new restriction and my fantastic weightloss to then have it all come to a sudden holt...with Reflux. I now have a new appreciation for those poor little babies that suffer from it...it really hurts....
So in turn I had to have all my fill removed, which of course the fat person within reared its ugly head and realised no fill means no restriction!!!!!!!!!! Yep you guessed it 7kg GAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Which of course doesnt make it any easier when your doctor tells you thats a good thing as you probably lost it too fast anyway!
So now I am back at being filled 0.5mls every month and so far have got back up to 4.5mls, but just this weekend have had another set back with another bout of the reflux and the most excrutiating pain around my abdomin. After speaking with Dr they think it may be gallstones!
So this week will be all tests to determine if I have them or if I have had a slippage....god I hope its not a slippage! Or my fat person within is going to be living on the outside aswell!!!

2007-10-03T09:33:00.001+10:00

Octobers Update

2007-10-03T09:24:00.001+10:00

Well its been a little while since I have been on, I am a bit slack I know. I have been progressing well but suffering with the reflux and heartburn. I went back to my surgeon and had some fill taken out which did relieve it for sometime but its back again so I have an appointment with my dietician today to see if we can sort something out. I am happy though with my progress and am now down to 102kgs.
My Measurements as of this morning are
Chest 112
Abdo 103
Waist 103
Tummy 129
Hips 127
Thigh 68
Arm 37
I am now in a fat girls 18 which I am thrilled about. My main aims were to get below 100kgs and fit into a normal 18 so the goal is getting real close now and I am feeling very content and happy with my situation.Probably my bigest compliment so far has been bumping into a friend that I hadnt seen in a while and her not recognising me.

2007-10-03T09:19:00.001+10:00

Wow, I cant believe how far I have come so quickly, I really am so happy with my progress. It really puts it all in to perspective when you see photos of where you came from.....Although dont get me wrong I have had my doubts at times when I havent been able to eat a thing, but looking at my overall progress I really do know I have done the right thing. Looking back at that photo of me in December just makes me think wow, if I had stayed on that track maybe I wouldnt have seen my beautiful children grow up as with the chest pain, breathlessness and body aches I was experiencing who knows how much longer it may have been before I ended up with a far more serious health problem...

2007-07-30T15:58:00.000+10:00

Well I have finally got around to doing the measurements, I really wish I had done this orginally. I guess it was something I didnt want to admit too..... So as discusting as it is here they are:
(and please for anyone who is having this surgery, dont be an idiot like me and not take the measurements, when I look at how much I have lost now I'd love to know how much in size as well as weight!!!)

Chest: 120
Abdo: 108
Waist: 109
Tummy: 138
Hips: 133
Thigh: 72
Arm: 38