Re-evaluating Thursday

I am feeling a little better this morning, I know I did the right thing in my heart by going there and having fill out, what I am confused about is that when we get a fill we are told that if for any reason its too much call anytime so when you do you dont expect to be yelled at.

I guess I was taken back because I would have never gone there and asked them to page him from home, I knew he was there so thats why I called. I am also confused as to why he is so upset with me for having so many fills as this is only my 3rd since the op, and arnt you suppose to have many before you get that optimum spot.

I had 5ml before my fill, 6ml after and I said to him that 5.5 is going to be my spot, but instead thats when he started raising his voice and only left me with 4 in, so great now I am back at the beginning again.........and by the sounds of things he is not going to be willing to give me anymore.

I just feel as though everyone who is doing well is able to see there dr on a reg basis knowing they can get a little in here and a little out there unitl they find the right spot, instead I tend to op to take to much cause I know the next appt wont be for another 6 weeks, and now of course he wont top me up at all........

I am thinking of transferring to another dr, think i will think somemore before I make any rash decisions.I am also thinking of asking my dietician if she will come see him with me as if I go on my own I know he is only going to yell at me again, and to be honest I am a little afraid, I know with you guys I have verbal diahorrea but I hate confrontation and I always end up sitting there allowing him to yell at me, while the whole time I am just concentrating on not bursting into tears.

Thursday night.....

Well Iam on here tonight to vent....I am feeling so confused tonight and have spent the last hour in tears. Basically yesterday I went for another fill which I desperately needed and dietician agreed, my Dr wasnt there but his offsider was and so I had the fill with him, he decided to put 1ml in my band, I did the water test, which was fine with no noticable restriction.

Came home and found there was definatley a difference with afternoon cuppa and struggled through dinner, had terrible reflux last night through the night.
This morning breaky I decided to have a banana smoothy and I ended up only drinking half, I wasnt in pain just discomfort, lunch I had some custard and again discomfort, but by this afternoon around 4pm I had another cuppa and I ended up in a bit of pain, I decided that I was too tight and so called the surgery to arrange a time to have some fill out.

They said they could only fit me in tomorrow at 1pm so I said ok. So dinner tonight I attempted a really soft quiche, after about 3 mouthfuls I was sick and decided that since I have done this the wrong way in the past I wouldnt be silly and so I called the hosp to see if I could come in as my dr was there, they said that was fine and so off I went thinking I was doing the sensible right thing.

Once there I saw my dr who although very friendly at first, once the door was closed blew me up, saying he was sick of this, sick of me coming in, that this was just rediculous and that he thinks its time we looked at other options and that obviously the band isnt going to work for me, then the nurse walked in and he stopped the conversation....I am so angry with myself for not speaking up and so confused as I thought I was doing the right thing....and now he wants to see me in a week to talk about having the band out!!!!!!!!!!!

Filled to the brim!

Well I got in to see my dietician today, and after her explaining to me for half an hour that I am not taking in enough protien (which I might add was very interesting) she agreed that I desperately needed a fill, then to my surprise she offered for me to see my Drs offsider who was there and could do my fill straight away...whoo hoo.

So off I went into his office resigned to the fact that once again I would be lucky to get another 0.5mls but to my surprise he put 1 ml in. I did my water test, felt nothing and was sitting thinking, what is going on???? But no sooner had I arrived home to make myself a cuppa and all the breaks have come on...tonight I made jacket potatoes with Satay Chicken Kebabs, realising fully that I was going to be a little more restricted, well wasnt that an understatement.......I would say in total I have probably eaten 2 tablespoons of food an now am sitting in an uncomfortable state of fullness, but no complaints, this is what I wanted so now my brain is just going to have to adjust.... I think I will see though how I go this week as I dont want to be too silly and be too tight so I might just be going back on Friday for 0.5 to come back out, we'll see how we go when the swelling goes down.

So round 2# Mark 10, here we go again......13th August - 110kgs, goal is to be back at 100 by Christmas.....I think that should be doable!

Fatty Patty by name Fatty Patty by nature!

I am writing right now as if I dont do something with my hands I will be forced to go and get some chocolate and that will only depress me more!

I have been really good going to the gym 3 days a week and really enjoying going, I have been reasonably good with my meals and still do have some restriction with the meat and bread, I decided that it was better to start weighing myself weekly rather than daily and today was the day when I thought I will just pop on and see how I am doing......only to discover that I was up to 110kgs!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just cant believe I am gaining....

I called Dr's office this morning to speak to my dietician and beg for an earlier appt and would you believe it, oh sorry shes on holidays.....AHHHHHH! So I managed to get an appt with Dr next Thursday. Mind you I could gain another 5 kgs in that time.

I just cant believe I have gained 10 kgs in such a short time...I keep thinking is that possible? And or how dehydrated must I have been. But the scales dont lie! So I guess i just need to tape my mouth shut until Thursday and see how we go with getting more fill then......

Anyway thanks for listening, I feel better now I have that off my chest......

confused....

Hi again, well all has been going well, I still have restriction, not as much as I would like, but there is some there. I am a bit confused as while I find bread and meat hard to stomach at times, I can still get them down but then after I eat them I get a real stretching feeling in my lower stomach that feels like a balloon that is going to burst.

I can only assume that I am still eating too much and that my orginal lower stomach is stretching as it probably has become smaller over the time I was restricted really tight. The thing I am not getting this time is that STOP eating feeling, I am able to it seems eat anything but then the pain in my lower stomach is so bad 10 mins later I am wishing I hadnt eaten at all. Something I will talk to the dietician about next week.

As far as the weighloss goes I am at a complete standstill which again I am not sure if its the amounts I am still eating or the fact that Iam going to the gym 3 days a week.....and for the first time not just walking on the treadmill but getting into the weights machines aswell....

Looks like I am bulking up girls...watch out next they will be testing me for steriods at the dietician.....lol

Am very happy to say though, the motivation for excercise is kicking in and I am actually looking forward to it these days...

Anyway thats the update for this month.....looking forward to a hopefully skinnier August!

Back to 5 mls.....

Finally....feeling restriction again, its funny even though it hasnt been all that long ago its amazing how quickly you forget what real restriction feels like, as I mentioned in my last post I had an appt with Dietician, well I told her that I could eat anything and then still snack on the brickwork of my house for afters.
She agreed I definately needed more fill. So off I went to see my lovely Dr thinking he would agree to maybe 0.2 or if I was lucky 0.5 but he suggested we went straight for 1ml.

So now I have 5mls in my 10ml band and boy has it made a difference. As always it is different from day to day but so far to give you an example of what I have eaten today 1 weetbix and a cup of coffee- took me 1/2 hr, some left over pasta for lunch about 1 cup took 45 minutes (I had to heat it up twice while consuming) and i am about to try tacos for dinner so will have to let you know how that goes.
I am happy to say though .....no hunger! So I am a happy girl and looking forward to seeing the scales at the end of the week.

My new band name "Will Power"

Feeling very frustrated......I can still eat everything. 4mls is just not enough, I have an appt on Monday week with the dietician and I am hoping for some good news in the fill department. I dont remember still being able to down bread at 4 mls last time but I can this time.....this band is so confusing... I am thinking 4.5 is where I would like to be, I should find bread difficult then and meat a no no, I dont want to be silly and go back to where I was where a half an avocado was my daily intake but I do want my will power back and as I seem to have no control of my own, I want my bands will power to take over.

Clothes are still fitting in the size 18 but I cant say I would like them to feel any tighter..... before the whole fix up with the band I was closer to the 16 than the 18 now I feel like I am creeping back to the 20 and this cant happen as I have given all my 20s away.....lol and lets face it no one wants to see a size 20 roaming around without clothes on......

Had a dinner with my fellow bandits on Friday night and felt very jealous of some of them struggling to eat their soup, meanwhile I was eating my prawns, rice and salad then going a lemon meringue pie and coffee......see my will power has gone on holidays.....

I did however get forced to get up on the dancefloor as imbarrasing as it may have been but was pleasantly surprised to find even worse dancers than me performing at their best that night. I did laugh in the shower the next morning though when my hips were hurting from the dancing....lol But at least I may have gotten rid of some of the meringue fat.....

So I will sit with my premenstral bowl of chocolate now and wait until Monday week to see if we cant get this will power tighter....hey thats made me think of my name for the band. (many of my fellow bandits have a name for their band like, freddy etc) so i think I will call mine "Will power".
Till then xxx