Thursday, February 28, 2008

WOW! 1 year banded already

Well I thought I would do this now, I know my official 1 year anniversary of banding isnt until Saturday but I will be away this weekend and so thought while I'm sitting here motivated to write I will do it.

I'm not sure how I feel about my 1 year anniversary, I think deep down I am a little dissapointed in myself, I know, I know I should be happy and proud of what I have lost already but I think I would have really like to have reached the 50kgs in weighloss by my first anniversary rather than now looking at that for my second!

My Dr says I need more patience and I know he is right, well part of me agrees, the other part just wants this fat to go away.....

As I reflect though on what this year has brought me I am very greatful, for the first time in years I am able to shop in just about any shop without having the look for the "fat section", I now can walk around without ANY pain or breathlessness, and for the first time in years I wore swimmers and swam with my kids at the beach at Christmas and didnt feel like everyone was staring......and I actually joined a gym and enjoy going.....who would have thought hey!

So the past year has seen a lot of life changing things happen to me. It is hard for me to remember the person I was before or really how I became that person!
I hope this next year brings me to my ultimate goal and to see myself in dresses and sleeveless things!

For those of you who have supported me through this very emotional year - I cannot thank you enough, particularly to Tarn, you have been like a sister to me, been my shoulder to cry on, and my pyschologist - I love you and thank you for always being there.
Well enough of the blubbering. Here's to another great year! and the research of plastic surgery!!!! LOL!!!

Monday, February 25, 2008

Back to Reality - now 102kgs - again!

Well the latest on my blog of a life, goes with having fill put back in last week to take me to 4mls, which has been great all week while I have stuck to the liquid phase.....weekend from hell arrived though as I started moving back to the solids, they didnt spent the whole weekend getting to know my toilet bowl really well. Today I have had 1ml taken back out to try and ease the pain. Great now, I was so dehidrated I think I have probably drunk about 4 litres this afternoon.
Had a big chat to my Dr, he wants me to really slow down, he said really what I have lost in the last 12 months I should have done over 2 years, so as he knows my first goal is to get to the 100kgs he said I have a year to loose my last 2 kgs......funny man! I can see where hes coming from though - I am the most impaitient person I know! and I just feel so close to the goal, its killing me not being able to step over back to 3mls now, will be as patient as I can be and see what happens.....

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

OMG What a Weekend!!!

What the hell was I thinking asking for a impaitients some times drives me crazy! Well yes I got the ml they had some trouble finding my port based on the fact it seems to have turned sideways.....but never the less he managed to find it and all was well....well until Friday night and Saturday all I did was vomit even a the slightest sip of water.....the pain was terrible and so the Beautiful Dr Phil had to come around on Saturday afternoon to take some fill back out......only to find that he couldnt get my port at all.

Yes I was starting to panic - thinking I may never eat or drink again! LOL my port had completely turned upside after about 35 attempts at trying to get it he had me relax and manually turned it back on its side just enough to get the fill out....but in turn he pulled 3 mls out.....AAAAHHHHHHH yes thats right now I am back to the beginnning again...... this is so frustrating!

So now I have to go back in and have surgery to have it sewn back onto the muscle or whatever it is they attach it too....and yes I know your all thinking well how did is dislodge pump class did the first one I ever did I can remember feeling a pop, but thought oh I must be putting too much pressure on it, at the time it didnt hurt so I didnt worry....turns out my Dr tells me that he has several paitients who excercise at the gym and they are the ones who end up having to have it sewn back all the time! So much for excercise...........ouch!

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Whats going on.......

Well after my last post and all those positive thoughts I was having about the future......I am begining to think someone is trying to play a trick on me..... I just cant seem to get my scales to be nice.....I was thinking all was going well as I have been really watching what I am eating and yet this week they are back to 105kgs....... So I have made an appointment to have another fill on Friday and I am going to ask for a complete ml........ dont know if he'll be that generous but you dont get if you dont ask - right???

My restriction is all over the place too, a week ago I was having trouble swallowing anything and today I sat down to fish and chips.........(yes I know I said I was watching what I am eating - Give me a break I was out to lunch with the girls and it was that or steak!) Anyway CHIPS!!! I havent been able to eat them without puking since before banding - so I dont know what is going on......
Fill me up I say.........I need that band tight to stop my will power from leading me off the track. Hence why my blog name is fattypatty.......the nickname will stick forever!

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Finally Moving.......

Well since my last post I have come to realise that its me that needs to slow down.....whats that saying "take time to stop and smell the roses" well I think that is what I have realised I need to do. This is just such an emotional journey and sometimes you get so caught up with "loosing weight" you really do forget to stop and look at the big picture and realise what you have already accomplished.

I was feeling really frustrated in my last post, thinking that everything was at a bit of a stand still, I was having problems eating some foods but then not feeling as though I had enough restriction on quantity of others...but I had to stop once again and realise that since I had had all my fill removed and been able to return to the "good old life" that now having more fill put in also means slow down on the eating and chew chew chew as we read everywhere, so why doesnt it register in our brain.

My husband often looks at me eating and says to me why? Why did I eat that when I knew it was going to cause me grief 10 mins later, and I look at him and just shrug my shoulders because he's right, why cant my brain allow me the common sense to say no and stop eating things that I know I cant.
So that has been my week, I have really taken note of what I have been eating BEFORE it goes in my mouth rather than after. I know anyone who may be reading this is thinking.......why would you do that, surely you know what works and what doesnt? But the truth is I dont have an answer for why my brain thinks the way it does....all I know is, nothing can prepare you for what you go through emotionally after banding and everyones journey is so different to the rest.

But since been sensible this week and really taking note, I am finally moving down the scales. This morning I was down to 103kg so I am feeling more confident to start another week........